LIFE

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To catch up . . .

Christmas was good. I was able to spend three days with my parents and siblings; probably the longest amount of time we have all spent together in a while. It was basically a vacation for me; I loved every second of it. I only wish Mike could have come along.

I got some great gifts; a new camera, so be prepared for lots more pictures, and wii fit which I really enjoy! Mostly I just loved being able to be home.

My birthday was two days ago! I love my birthday, but hate where it falls in the year. I got some cash so I can go shopping, yay!! I actually had to work the swing shift this year, hated it. I have NEVER in my life had to work on my birthday before. Mike tells me I am spoiled because of it. I just always request it off so I can take the entire day and do whatever I want; which is normally mimosas for breakfast, marguritas for lunch, and rum for dinner. This year I got a happy birthday corona from Alycia so that made up for having to work!! Next year I plan to have an amazing birthday. I am going to plan something big.

The new year is finally here, almost. I am so ready to be finished with 09. It was complete chaos for me at all times and 2010 is going to be better. I am looking forward to moving, possibly a new job, and paying off bills. What could be better than that?!? Basically I am excited for moving. If I had to stay in debt and stay at the hotel I would live just as long as I can move.

New Year's Resolutions to come soon as well as a year in review . . .

I CAN'T WAIT TO GO HOME WEDNESDAY!!!

December Blues

It doesn't feel right to me that it is December and it is almost over. I am not ready for Christmas; this is the first year I have ever just wanted to skip it completely. I am looking forward to going home for almost the entire week. I got lucky and am able to take two vacation days, giving me four days off total. Lucky me!! I am super ready for December and this entire year to be over. It has been such a stressful year. 2010 has to be a million times better or I will cry!

Quote

Nothing is impossible. Some things are just less likely than others.
-Jonathan Winters

Update-A-Roo

So this will be my update post. I keep putting off posting things that have been going on so here it goes!!

A couple days before Halloween I decided to make cupcakes! Kendra, Rich, Beth, and I got way into it and here are a few of my creations. Beth has more pictures of the extravaganza I just need to get them from her...

Mike's birthday was the 9th. We didn't do much. Just had some friends over and some drinks. Our new friends Alycia and Derek came over. They are a riot. It was all fun for the most part. Mike bought himself a Wii. So we have been having tennis tourneys. Fun stuff!

We had to put our cat down. He got bit by a spider and the infection was too much for him. It was the most horrible thing I have seen, minus Kendra's car accident a few years ago. Fat Cat was really Mike's. That cat loved him. Sheena is depressed too. So sad! It's all too fresh in our heads to talk about it much.

Cleaning

My management team at work has decided to have me clean rooms.

Am I happy about this? Not really. I kind of see it as a demotion/opportunity.

Do I enjoy it? Yes and no. I love the extra exercise and the quiet-time. I don't love the time limits and dealing with other people's trash. It's kinda disgusting and is way under appreciated.

Someone today left me a note that said how much they appreciated the extra clean rooms and a couple dollars! It made my day and got me through the eight hours of scrubbing, dusting, wiping, making, and vacuuming.

Thanks mystery note person!!

i am super negative about lots of things right now; so i just won't talk about it. the only silly good thing i have to relate to the world of blogs is that mike loves poptarts. he get's cravings like a pregnant woman does, i am not even joking. the other day he suggested we go get some. after i laugh for an eternity we go to the store and grab some along with other really random things. we are standing in the check out lane and mike looks at the cart and says,

mike: 'wow, we really did buy a lot of random things today.'
tam: yeah, like poptarts.
mike, in the most serious tone anyone could ever put on: poptarts are amazing.

it's honestly not that funny, but for some reason the way he said it coupled with the look on his face i almost died, seriously.

Work?

I worked the past seven straight days and get one day off. The company is making clean rooms one day a week. I am on a shitty salary and don't get any type of incentive for working more hours than I am required. I need a new job. Nate may have found me a new job too! His sister works at the court house is in charge of all the DA's secretaries and she is the one who hires/fires people. Someone just lost their job. Cross your fingers for me.

car shopping

so i have decided that i need a new car. the mustang is still fantastic as ever, but it doesn't really drive in the snow that will surely show up within the next month or so. that said, i am currently in the market for a new car and kind of accidentaly.

i was driving down the street the other day and saw this lovely jeep sitting in a lot with a for sale sign. i ohhed and ahhed and kept driving. three days later i am test driving the dang thing because i couldn't get it out of my silly little head that i didn't really need a new car. since then it has been down hill from there.

my dad is on the hunt for a good deal for me, and i keep scavenging through newspapers and thrifty nickels for something cheep and long-lasting. i was on ebay last night bidding on a jeep in reno and i was the highest bidder, but alas the guy wouldn't sell it to me because i was unwilling to pay what he wanted for it. so i am still on the hunt.

i still like the first jeep that started this whole mess.

are blogs supposed to have purposes?

i refuse to drink the water because i am pretty sure that it causes pregnancies. just to warn you all.

I have been so sick this past week. I seriously thought I was going to die. I skipped work on Sundaybecause it was so bad; I was vomiting everytime I moved and my sinuses were killing me. I never call in sick. It has taken me a few days, but I am better!!

I am not happy about snow already. The cooler temperatures are kinda nice, but not the snow. I can do without that.

Life is moving on, most days too quickly but mostly just moving on and forward.

Houses...again!!

I have been having very vivid dreams lately; well for a quite a while now I guess. I remember every detail. Some of these dreams are terrifying, sad, or just plain confusing.

Last nights dream was Mike and I buying a house. We walked up to this gorgeous split-level home and the couple that answered the door were packing up all of their things. I asked if they were selling the house and if we could take a look around. All the rooms were bright white and huge. The bedrooms were all open with huge closets and windows. I don't remember even looking at the kitchen. There was a pool in the backyard and a balcony off master bedroom.

Maybe it's time to buy a house? I seem to be house obsessed lately. I want to buy this dream-house.

Well, no big fatty raise for me(as Jill called it). But I am not going to complain or stress about it, right now at least, because I stressed about it all for way too long. I am just going to work like crazy and hope that it pays off. I may actually get more serious about looking for another job too.

With that said and done...I am super excited to go see Shinedown tomorrow night. Mike and I went and got tickets and the show should be great!

This week feels like it has been going on forever. It's only Sunday.

My schedule at work this week is bizarre and I think I am just dreading it completely. The director of operations for our company will be here this week and so on two of my 'days off' I will be at work in meetings. I may be able to get a better 'raise' though, since the last salary 'raise' they gave me is less than what I made last year.

Ugh. I am just ready for it to be over for now.

My faith in humanity has been restored!

I just took Mike to work and I was waiting to get out of a parking lot and onto the street; the traffic was really crazy and this man backed up so I could go infront of him! How nice is that?!? Yay for the guy driving the mini-van! I appreicated it!!!

A while ago I posted that I have recently become addicted to Love Line, with Dr. Drew. The radio station it was on has now changed to talk radio with Glen Beck. My life is now over. I was so mad when this happened. What am I going to do without my Dr. Drew fix?!?

Power

I just got a phone call from my GM; we don't have power. Apparently we haven't had power since 9am, and it will come back on anywhere from 1pm to 8pm. Someone drove into a power pole just up from the hotel and because it's labor day no one wants to come help them fix it. It is going to be one boring night....

Homes

Someone sold my house. Not the house I live in, but the house I wanted to buy. I am not in the market for buying a house really, but everytime I drove past this one house I just knew I had to have it. I never called the owner to look at it because I didn't want to do something crazy and try and buy it, but that I claimed it was my house. I saw the house once in the paper for sale and it was listing for $147,000 but I am positive I could have talked them down to $139. It had been on the market for at least eight months. I would drive past it and make comments like, "someone needs to mow my house's lawn," and, "the roses need trimed." I had a sick obsession with this house. I got really scared one day a few months back because I thought someone else had bought the house. I almost cried. Mike came home a few days ago and said, "I think someone bought your house. There were people taking boxes inside." I did cry that time. Damn houses.

The first apartment I lived in never felt like home. It was the first place I lived besides my parents house, and I could feel the lack of stability in the air; which could have just been animosity and tension because of who lived there, which is an entirely different story.

The next house I lived in was a disaster. It was an old duplex with hardwood floors throughout the entire place, minus Lindsay's room, and bugs loved it. I never unpacked my suitecases. it was the least home-like place I have ever lived.

My next apartment was my first home. It still feels like my home. I sometimes think that if I go up to the door and open it, all my stuff will still be there just I had never even left. I drive past it every so often just to see if someone else is living in it; and I am almost positive no one is. If I could move back into it, I would in a heartbeat. I loved that place.

I have lived in my current house for a little over a year. I like this place a lot. It has a ton of potential and I wish I could buy it most days. If I could, I know I would. It feels like home, but only because I think I need a sense of home right now. Everyone needs to feel like they belong somewhere, and even though I may be tricking myself into 'belonging' here, it works for the time being.

Mike and I went on a quick overnight camping excurssion a few days ago and had a great time enjoying the quiet. I forget how much I love to hear nothing sometimes. I am so used to hearing and listening to people constantly, that I almost cried when I could lay down at night and hear nothing but a few crickets.

I haven't been camping since I lived with my parents while I was still in high school, so it has been quite a while. We didn't stay long, but the few days of rest was well worth it. The only down side was my lack of sunscreen use that has turned into a nasty sunburn. I should have listened to my mom!

The sunburn is healing rather quickly though, and I miss the quiet.

I have been awake since 5:30am and feel great for getting lots of things accomplished.

I had to do my last two employee evaluations this morning, and think they went rather well considering we told one person he wasn't getting a raise. However, it took two hours for two evaluations that should have only lasted about twenty minutes each. Still, I think they went great and the two I had earlier in the week were amazing so all around it was a successful work week.

I am looking at scheduling prospects for possibly going back to school next fall. Although the fall 2010 schedule is not out, I am going through this fall and finding if there are any night courses I can take because if my new job ever arrives I will have to take night classes or online classes.

I have tackled laundry, which I loathe, and now I am going to cook lunch!! Yay for getting crap done before noon!

Random Rants

I was driving down the road the other day and saw the first signs of what I call, "sunflower season." It's that time of year when sunflowers pop up all over the sides of the road and you can find them everywhere! I love this time of year.

I really want to go to the mountains for a day or so and get away from everything. Maybe next week on my days off.....

I went to the movies and was completely annoyed at people who bring one and two year olds to movies they don't belong in. They cry, scream, yell, and basically terrorize everyone else in the theater. It is even worse when the parents don't even try to control it. When I have kids, they will never be taken to the movies before the age of 6. It is crazy to do that to them.

Seriously...my brain is dead. I had something I was going to rant about, and I can't remember what it was for the life of me. Damn.

Which Way?

When I graduated high school I used to have panic attacks because I didn't know where my life was going. I didn't have a major in college, or one in mind, I didn't have a 'dream job.' So for almost two years of my life I floated around in a constant state of panic and disaray. When I finally settled on a major and decided that the travel and tourisim industry had a lot to offer a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and felt sooo much better. My panicing is back. I don't know where to go next and I am starting to get scared again. I have been thinking a lot the past few weeks about where exactly my life is headed next. I have the possibilities of a new job (hopefully before September), but I am not sure if I will be satisfied with just that. I feel like I have let myself down and I need to make up for it.

I don't want to stay in Pocatello forever. This much I know. Where would I like to go? I hear Sweden is nice. No, that is Mike's ultimate dream. Leave the US and go to Sweden for the food, music, and culture. I am voting we become hobos and live on a beach. In all seriousness; we have thought about Washington, Oregon, Northern California, and I am recently starting to look at Colorado. But honestly, I don't know how picky we are going to be when it comes right down to it and it probably won't happen for a few years, if ever.

I want to go back to school. More than anything I am kicking myself in the face for the school thing. I let the stupid hotel interfere with school and I horribly regret it because the only thing the hotel is doing for me now is making me sick. I am not sure what I want to go back to school for though. I probably should finish my business degree and go with that; maybe minor in something more artsy. Realistically; I am waiting to turn 24 so I don't have to claim my parents tax information anymore because the federal government screws over poor, white girls like me. I could stay here and probably save money by going to ISU. But who knows what will happen in the next few months.

This job business is really getting me down though. Every day it is getting more and more difficult to drag my butt into that place to be critisized and belittled for things that aren't in my control. I have a HUGE grudge on my GM because she took my job promotion right from underneath me, and I really don't know if she is, or ever will, help me to better my career. I really get the feeling she talks a lot of crap behind my back to the big bosses in the head office which won't help me at all. I would seriously love to quit tomorrow and rid myself of the headache and stress; but there are few places here that will pay me close to what I make now. And my bills aren't diminishing quickly enough to take a huge pay cut. On the bright side of this; Mike has started working, but the hours are few at times for another couple of weeks.

I just don't know what to do anymore. Right now I am just floating along, going with the flow, and hoping to hell that I figure something out soon.

I miss these days

I haven't posted anything new in a while; so I suppose I should post something....

I am already sick of hearing about Michael Jackson. It is a horrible thing he died so suddenly and unexpectedly, but talking about him all the time is not bringing him back. He was an extremely influential music icon and for that he will be remembered for forever.

Farrah Fawcet dead too?!? That Ed guy?!? Billy Mays' and his annoying voice?!? It keeps getting more bizarre!

No news on the possible new job. I am just being patient at this point. Mike starts working tomorrow morning!!! Money is going to be a little less tight now! I just want to pay off some bills and be able to go out every so often.

Kendra is moving out of the house. I am going to miss her. She painted a wall in her new aparment a bright green; and I love it. I am actually very jealous of her new apartment, and now I want to get one too.

It's like I never had time . . .

Things could possibly be turning around for me. In reference to the post I made yesterday; a new job could possibly happen soon. It would be something completely different than my safe little hotel land; but the pay is more and the experience would be good for me. As for the new apartment, that could end up happening sooner than I think. I honestly think that within the next four months Mike and I will move to something better. I am becoming antsy and excited.

I went and saw one of my favortie live bands last night, The Classic Crime. I am fortunate enough to know a couple of the guys and to have hung out with them on a few other occasions. I have actually stayed at one of the bass player's parent's house in Washington before. They are just a fun group of guys that put on a good show, and have amazing music. If you don't know who/what they are, check them out.

Things that would make my life simpler:

• higher paying job
• new apartment
• new job
• no dog hair
  

Poem

When I was home during graduation, I went to the chiropractor with my Mom. I sat in the waiting room and found a magazine called Artful Blogging and found that I really like it! There were all kinds of neat artsy things in it. While flipping through it I found this partial post from asweetlife.typepad.com

She heard their warnings

felt the sting of their slaps

on the top of her hand.

"Stop! Don't touch them!

They're hot. They'll burn you.

They're sharp. They'll cut you."

And so she withdrew her hand

from the black sky and put it

back into her pocket,

a little stardust on each fingertip.

But she was never satisfied with

just stealing a touch.

No, what they didn't know was

how her hunger grew,

how the rumble woke her

in the night,

how she cried from longing.

No, what they didn't know was

how she always felt a little empty

and how she dreamed of a belly

full of stars.

This has to be one of my new favorite poems I have found so far. I ended up taking the magazine with me and later realized it is a $15 magazine! OOPS!

I went shopping today with Kendra and Beth....bought way too much, but I love everything I got!

Five

Five years has came and went very quickly. Along the way I have learned a lot about myself and the world. Here is a low-down of what I consider to be my highlights of the past five years:

• Moved to Pocatello to go to ISU


• Lived in 4 different houses/apartments in Pocatello, one of which we nicknamed "Little Declo"


• Had roommate that was OBSSESED with the PowerPuff girls


• Lived off of beer and tortillas for a while


• Became Tracy's unofficial chaufer


• Had a horrible roommate experience that caused me to live on Abrey's couch for a few nights out of terror


• Had a great roommate experience with my lovely Lindsay


• Let the Super 8 consume my life


• Failed an entire semester of school because of my job


• Had some interesting non-relationship, relationships


• Learned I have a nack for managing people


• Became a concert junkie


• Came to the realization that shit follows me everywhere and I have to deal with it before I can move on to great things


• Vacationed in Seattle with Abrey and Brandon and fell in love with the place


• Vacationed in Arizona and decided that St. George could be a great place to live


• Struggled with my low self esteem


• Became a 'cryer'


• Developed ulcers because I hold my stress in


• Found a program that will enable me to work full time and become a Certified Hotel Administrator without having to leave my house


• Am in love with an amazing man


• Witnessed the after effects of a horrible car crash that still makes me cry to this day if I talk about it


• Became 'too open-minded for my own good'

I know there is more. I have a million stories about my experinces. I have learned a lot about myself and the only regrets I have include balancing school and work. Everything happens for a reason and I have become a strong, hard willed person, intelligent person.

Dentist

I had to go to the dentist today. They gave me five fillings and a root canal. You would think I am a hillbilly who doesn't brush her teeth....

Swine Flu VS. The 8

Apparently the swine flu has infected my staff, not really but they we are all calling it that. I have had two sick employees in a matter of 48 hours. If you will notice I am typing this at 4:35am because I am at work. I have been here since 7pm and don't get off for another few hours, then I have to turn around and come right back before 11am. Ugh. Plus my GM, whom I love dearly, is gone all week so I get to play GM! Yay for absent managers! The paycheck is the only thing keeping me here right now.

I also have to go to the dentist on Thursday, which happens to be my only day off this week. Cassaundra is the only person I know who gets jealous when other people go to the dentist. Freaky....

Mike still can't find a job. It has been almost five full months without a job. He had an interview the other day and we still haven't heard back. He has applied at literally every place in Pocatello. Maybe we should move and have better luck . . .

I am a pretty vocal person. Anyone that knows me can agree with this. Despite my normal communication skills, I am having a hard time pinpointing what is causing me to slip into a funk. I have absolutely nothing to say.

Update

This once a week update thing could easily become a habit...

I had to work the graveyard shift Friday and Saturday nights so needless to say my weekend was shot all to pieces. I really hate that shift because no one is around and I can't stand to be somewhere like that for eight hours and have little to no human interaction. I quite literally go crazy. My mind wanders and things start becoming something they never were in the first place. Yuck.

I saw my favorite live band ever on Friday night, before I worked my audit shift, Sugarcult. It was an awesome show but I got in a fight and that was not cool. Some girl bite my elbow. Seriously. Drew blood and bruised my elbow. She punched me in the head like four times and yanked my hair. I hit her in the face, and yanked her hair because that was all I could I reach. If I find her I will either kick her ass or slash her tires her both.

I am looking forward to Tuesday; as I usually do. Jayson comes into town and I get to kick butt at darts. I am becoming quite good, especially since Mike and Connie cleaned out the garage and I can actually make it to the dart board to practice!

I hurt all over and I can't sleep.

A Week In Review

I feel I need to constantly keep updating this....so here is my past week in a quick update!

The Dodge Rodeo was in Pocatello this week so the hotel was alive and extremely busy this week. Cowboys and such were everywhere. I felt a bit out numbered. Because of this, I had one kind-of day off. I usually take Tuesdays and get eight hours of catching up my important work and not have to worry about the desk. I didn't get that this week. Instead my Tuesday consisted of me getting paid to eat lunch and listen to the GM talk for forty minutes. Whatever. Lame.

Rich signed up for college classes at ISU this fall, so he stopped to visit me at work with my mommy. I am excited to have Rich around this fall. He is such an amazing person. He has his head on straight, and a really good plan for what he wants to do and where he wants to go. I couldn't be more proud of him!

Every Tuesday my friend Jayson stays in Pocatello at the hotel. This week we gathered a group of us and played darts at another friends house which pretty much amounted to Jayson, Mike, and Jared being completely trashed and dancing about the house. It was entertaining. I will have to find the picture of Jayson's helmet.

I worked a lame five hours on Wednesday night and got practically nothing accomplished. Thursday I had a meeting with the district manager, and helped the housekeepers. Did I mention it was my day off? AJ and his lady friend came over and played drink the liquor with Mike on Thursday. AJ is headed for Gillette Wyoming today to hopefully get a welding job and make tons of money. Wyoming pays great for pretty much anything from what I have been told. Friday more work. Last night more work and then on to Jenny's house to watch her get smashed for her 21st birthday. Practically hysterical really.

Basically all this amounts to is that Tuesday and Saturday were very good days. The rest was craptasitc, as Meg would put it.

Funny

Someone tell me why I think this picture is amazingly funny.

My sickness is almost gone. I haven't been sick in over a year and this time it really kicked my butt.

Kendra and I drove to Boise yesterday to get our friend Cassaundra. We were in Boise for all of twenty minutes and then we were on the road again, (or I would have called you Jen). It was a long day, but we made it.

Cassaundra's aunt lives in the Boise foothills in the most amazing house ever. I took the most hysterical picture of a lawn ornamnet they have...but it won't upload. I will try again later, because this thing is a riot.

Sick

I am trying so hard not to get sick. Mike is sick . . . again, and I was fortunate enough last time he was sick to not catch what he had. He was really sick when we were in Phoenix; I am still amazed I didn't get sick then. I drove through three states with three sick men and managed to come out in one healthy piece. This time I am not sure if I can do it. I hate being sick.

Picture

Sheena loves this chair. It is hers. She gets super jealous if I sit in it and trys to sit on the cat if he jumps in it. She is so cute though!

I Love . . .

LoveLine is amazing. I have just recently gotten into it, and I am upset I haven't been listening longer. It is a riot. I spend my drive home every night listening to stories from some really interesting people. If you don't listen to it; start. It is so worth your time.

St. Paddy's day is my favorite holiday. I love green, and I am a beer snob. What more could a girl want out of a day??

Love Is . . .

look what i found . . .

Random Ramblings and Thoughts of a Crazy Person

Do you ever get those great philosophical thoughts that randomly run through your head?

I am not sure if my life will ever be in order. I am learning to live in complete chaos.

I want to make a reading list for myself; I am feeling really lost without school so I think this will help. Any suggestions?

I need more motivation.

I am very in love with Mike and I keep thinking about it for some reason...

I am going to cut my caloric intake and start jogging again.

I don't think I want to own more than one animal at a time ever again.

I hate money.

A Very Quick Update

Ok; vacation is officially over. I am sad and happy at the same time. It was a very quick trip and I traveled many miles in a small amount of time. Would I do it again? Hell yes but maybe with some better planning. Here are some highlights of the trip:

• The rental care we got was a brand new granny mobile. It was a boat; actually a Mercury Gand Marquis to be exact. The good part was that the four of us were comfortable and the gas milage was decent. Will Enterprise love that I put over 1800 miles on their new car? Who knows. I will find out in the morning.
• I really loved St. George, even though we stopped for less than an hour.
• Las Vegas was kinda dirty. There was lots of trash on the sides of the road and the guys that stand on the strip flipping cards with 'call girls' on them were super annoying. Do I look like a lesbian? Especially since was attached to Mike?
• Circus Circus has cheap rooms. They are, however, some of the nicest rooms I have stayed in. The decor was lovely, the beds were amazing, and the location was horrible. If you know anything about the strip we were so at the wrong end; which brings me to my next point...
• We walked the entire strip; Circus Circus to the Luxor in flip-flops. We were hurting. In my defense the boys told me nothing of walking the entire strip. I thought we were just going to poke around the casino first. The soreness only lasted a day.
• We accidentally found the Hoover Dam. I don't know how I managed that, but I did. They are building a new bridge too; which was the neatest part of the whole thing.
• I now cacti (?) and palm trees. I have never seen either up close. Odd really. Each cacti was different and had weird off shooting pieces. I was completely entertained for almost one hundered miles between Kingsman and Phoenix.
• The drive was actually pretty decent.
• I want a pool.
• I am probably going to start looking for a new apartment tomorrow...or tonight if I don't pass out first.

I didn't really get many pictures, but what I did get I will post in the next two days.

Vacation

I just finished packing for Phoenix! I am so excited. Tomorrow night I will be in Las Vegas! Hopefully I will have lots of pictures in a couple days!

Pay it Forward

Because I commented on Jen's before I read the entire thing and because I love handmade things; here you go!

So, here's how this game works-the first 3 people to leave a comment on this post will receive, at some point during the year, a handmade gift from me. What it will be and when it will arrive is a total surprise! The catch is that you must participate as well. Before you leave your comment, write up a pay it forward post on your blog to keep the fun going (or be lazy and copy and paste like I did). Then come back, let me know you're going to play and sit back and anticipate the arrival of your gift!

Send me an email at sillytam@hotmail.com w/ your address.

Meeting

I had a lunch meeting with the new GM today. I heard some things about myself that was pretty hard to hear, but all in all I think it went well.

I am counting down the days until I head to Mesa - 8 days. I can't wait!

I came home from work last night and Mike had cleaned the bedroom. I love when he does that.

The funeral yesterday was good. I was fine until my Grandmother started crying and I saw my Dad crying. I haven't been to a funeral since I was about 8 or 9, so this was horrible for me. Things are always happening for a reason, and this is definately one of them.

My head housekeeper quit last night, and I am lucky that no one else left with her. The changes at the hotel have been hard for everyone and things are still changing. Things will settle down, I have hope they will at least.

I have been thinking of taking on a second job during the day because money is so tight with bills right now. I am hoping that I can find something to do that will pay me at least $200 to $350 a month.

Despite my financial situation right now, I have enough money to go to Mesa, Arizona and help Mike's move back to Pocatello. I sooooo looking forward to the trip. We are going to stay in Las Vegas because I have never been and hopefully do something fun and entertaining. Next weekend couldn't come quicker....

How You Doin?

♥ What are your middle names? I don't have a middle name!!! Mike's is Zane...

♥ How long have you been together? Going on ten months

♥ How long did you know each other before you started dating? About 2 years

♥ Who asked who out? He approached me

♥ How old are each of you? 23 and 26

♥ Whose siblings do you see the most? The same....my sister and his brother live with us

♥ Do you have any children together? no

♥ What about pets? Sheena the dog, Kitty the cat, and Maynard the turttle

♥ Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple? Living with our siblings has been a real issue for us; Mike would say his being currently unemployed as the hardest...

♥ Did you go to the same school? No

♥ Are you from the same home town? No

♥ Who is the smartest? It depends on what you are talking about. Mike is amazingly brilliant with some things and I am at others.

♥ Who is the most sensitive? I think I am

♥ Where do you eat out most as a couple? Mike is in love with Burger King....I loathe fast food so we just buy groceries and cook at home

♥ Who has the craziest ex? Mike because she still pops up from time to time, mine are respectful enough to keep their distance and leave us alone

♥ Who has the worst temper? Mike by far

♥ Who does the cooking? Mike because he can make anything amazing and he wants to own a restaurant.

♥ Who is more social? I think I am

♥ Who is the neat-freak? You should see our bedroom...

♥ Who is the more stubborn? We are both extremely stubborn

♥ Who hogs the bed? Neither of us do

♥ Who wakes up earlier? Me

♥ Where was your first date? I don't think we really had a "first date," so to speak...

♥ Who has the bigger family? He has more siblings than I do

♥ Do you get flowers often? I never have gotten flowers

♥ How do you spend the holidays? With my family if we can because he only has his brother here right now, his mom is actually moving back in a few weeks

♥ Who is more jealous? Me...because I am a crazy girl

♥ How long did it take to get serious? after we started dating? Like 2 minutes. We have always had a connection and we mesh extremely well

♥ Who eats more? Mike eats lots through out the day and I would rather just eat once or twice

♥ Who does/did the laundry? Me

♥ Who’s better with the computer? Me

♥ Who drives when you are together? Mike doesn't drive, he had a really bad experience when he was younger

I have had an interesting week. It feels like Friday and I have been sorely mistaken all day!

I am going to a funeral on Monday. My Great Aunt passed away this morning after a long, tough fight with many different health issues. She is in a better place now, and isn't suffering which is so much better. We love you Aunt Jeanette!

Day Off

I love having a day off of work! It is never relaxing though. Today is a perfect example.

I slept in because I decided to have insomnia last night and didn't fall asleep until well after 4am. I woke up to phone calls from my employees, no big surprise there, and had to deal with ISU. I have been scared and avoiding the place for the past week. I still haven't recieved my diploma and I recieved an odd e-mail last week about financial aid. I have been walking around thinking that I didn't graduate for some reason and I have been scared to go in and find out what is going on. I overreacted, also no surprise there! I won't get my piece of paper until March. Woot!

I washed my poor dirty car and it is so very good because it was really starting to look brown instead of green!

Mike has been suffering through a toothache for a week now and I called the dentist to see if they would perscribe some drugs because he was not wanting it pulled quite yet. Not happening. We made an appointment for this afternoon and I spent an hour and a half wating for him to get done. He feels better though and I am so glad for that!

I am also trying to plan a quick trip to Mesa to help Mike's mom move back to Idaho. We are tyring to stop in Las Vegas, the Grand Canyon, and possibly St. George to see my uncle. I can't wait for vacation time.

P.S. Blink-182 got back together. Today is a FABULOUS day!!

perfection and happiness are what i crave
desire and drive keep me going
disaster and ruin is what i get

Changes?

My work situation is still on the rocks. My GM is making a lot of very good changes, but no one I have talked to is impressed. She hasn't taught me anything as of yet; and that is why I thought she was coming to Pocatello in the first place. I am giving it a month before I start to really get fussy.

I have a lingering suspicison they are going to get rid of me; not fire me out right, but send me somewhere else. Sherry, our company's traveling manager, is headed for our hotel in Gillette Wyoming within the next month and she made a comment about having me come with her sometime soon. I want to progress in the company, but our Gillette location is soooo messed up right now it would take me and Sherry and about five others to make it work right. I know the company eventually wants to move me somewhere, but I was figuring in over a year not sooner. I would be stupid to turn down the opportunity to move up, but Gillette is not the ideal place to end up. We will see what happens....

Transition

I am not so sure what to think of my new GM. She is nice. She has great ideas. But for some reason I get the feeling she doesn't think I am good enough. This transition has actually been more difficult than I originally thought. I have been having really odd dreams and my ulcers are really bothering me. The stress is getting to me. I think I will run away for a day....

I am very frustrated right now with a lot of different things.

• My sister is ridiculous.
• Mike's mother may move back to Idaho (which is both good and bad).
• I dislike my living situation.
• I have to train my new boss.

I can fix one of these four issues. The other three are just going to drive me insane.

I am tired of the cold

My new GM is arriving this weekend. I hear she is young and has a three year old son. I hope things go alright.

Poem

*I didn't write this; but I do like it. Here is where I found it: http://mngamojemo.deviantart.com/art/Grazing-Dinosaurs-For-Shame-21399985

See here. She moves
like something's missing, like in a dream
of things primordial, long-tailed scooted dinosaurs
that skulk around the bushes. Shame.

To wonder why the next who speaks
repeats the thing you said, recieves
the gentle laugh. To think
to chit-chat.
Just be content
that no-one speaks and swinging
tails of horseshoe crabs avoid
your legs.

Out there the whales collide with ships, the kraken
dance. My love whose ears are just like shells,
I hear the ocean pressed against them, knows.
The fairies hate a liar and a thief.

My love whose eyes are alabaster knows.

You've plumped up
like a dumpling, firm and ragged. Look at me
when you speak. You asked if
there were rules to being real.

She moves like in a nightmare of the England
overrun by wolves. So let
the forest have her, if it comes
to that. For shame.

The eight-foot terror-cranes once strode tall
the savanna, snatching
horses. The name
that many races call themselves
is "only people".

My love is this:
someone who lies about all day
in peace, on cushions, whose eyes
are alabaster, whose ears
hear only sea. My love
holds water. My love
can stare and stare as something
makes the noise of ten excited crowds
outside our door.

You are a walker.
Ragged shoes and hobnailed
feet and toes clawed
like a raptor, but arms
as far from graceful, noble wings as steel
is far from cardboard in
the road, and tracked
with mud-soaked
treads.

Tired and with pupils
spread like dull and rusty pans.
She stays awake that time
that could be any day. Why can you not
be like the rest, who chit-chat?

It's just
like talking to a syphilitic.
No taste in clothes.
No sense
of urgency.
(God gave that to a flea!)

The fairies in the corners glare
with all the hate they have for mortal folk.
Milk curdles in your place,
things move and letters from your words go
missing.

Be real and true or things go badly.

Shame.

Mike has a dog; which pretty much means I have a dog. I love the dog. She is sweet and well behaved. She sheds a lot though. There is one thing I absolutely hate and it is animal hair on my clothes and all over everything I own. I vaccuum constantly. I can't wait until it warms up so I can shave her hair off.

I finished the last book in the Twilight series this morning and I am still debating on if I like it or not.

I am trying to find motivation to clean the bedroom.

Grandma

This makes me roll on the floor laughing. I wonder if I can convince my grandma to do this . . .

I found the picture here: http://sean-tron.deviantart.com/gallery/

I found out a few days ago that I did not get the GM position. I honestly thought the job was mine. I have been doing the GM's job for almost three years now, and I am really at a loss knowing that some stranger person is coming in less than two months and taking over my hotel. I am having a very hard time with this. I believe that I deserve the job. I plan on making some phone calls tomorrow and Tuesday to find out just why I didn't get it. They owe me that much right?

Maybe I am being ridiculous.

News

My GM was fired today. We are all still shocked. No one was expecting it. I am no going to be the GM. I have a million things on my mind and million mixed emotions on the topic.

Wish me luck.

Things you may not know

Here are my 20 random things as copied from Ms. Meg:

1. I have always wanted to be a certified barista and work in a coffee shop. There is something about the atmosphere of coffee shops that completely draws me in; and I am not talking Starbucks. I love little off-the-wall shops that are not in the least bit corporate.
2. I am still unsure if I have officially graduated from ISU. I know this sounds completely ridiculous, and it really is, but I don't care so much right now about that. I have a huge problem with my program advisor; and I do not like her very much. I passed all of my classes this semester; I actually got straight A's this semester. I am guessing I have graduated, and I may even waltz down to campus this next week and check.
3. More than anything I want to go to England. It has appealed to me since I was a kid and as long as I go there before I die, I will be happy.
4. I am a workaholic according to just about everyone around me. I am so into my job that I have ulcers from the stress it has caused me. Lovely, right?
5. Saddam Hussein was executed on my 21st birthday. I remember I was at The First National and I was going to the bathroom and I stopped in front of a huge TV and was pointing at it and saying, "This is the best birthday EVER!" I was ridiculously trashed.
6. I am easily addicted to reality television. I avoid reality TV because I am so addicted. I accidentally started watching a marathon of America's Next Top Model way early one morning while doing homework and I called in an hour late to work so I could watch the last episode. I can be extremely lame.
7. I am likely the most insecure and self conscious person you will ever come across. I am care way too much about what other people think, and I never think what I accomplish is good enough.
8. When I was little I used to talk for my sister because we are four years apart. If an adult would ask her a question, I would take it upon myself to answer for her. I still do it now from time to time; this is probably why she is so shy.
9. I want to learn French. If I would have had to take another semester of college I would have signed up for French. I am actually still thinking of doing so.
10. I am absolutely terrified of being stuck in Pocatello for the rest of my life. I hate it here and I am hoping to leave within the next year.
11. I want to own a hotel or bed and breakfast. I love this industry and would love to stay in it.
12. I am too artistic for my own good. I can't paint, sing, draw, or write poems but if I could I would kick ass at it. I love art.
13. I am obsessed with huge coffee table books. I want lots of them one day when I am not sharing a house with messy, party-hungry, boys.
14. After everything is all said and done, all I have ever truly wanted out of life is to be genuinely happy.
15. I want kids one day.
16. I can not shop at the DI. I have the most terrible stigma about going into places like that. My friend Cody used to drag me their often and I would walk around with a disgusted look on my face. He stopped taking me.
17. I remember birthdays. I am the crazy birthday lady. I buy presents and cards and bake cakes. It is a little outlandish sometimes.
18. I am extremely naive when it comes to drugs. I don't understand them and I can't really keep up with all of the nicknames for them and how you take them. Odd.
19. I have panic attacks when I don't have my cell phone. I once dropped mine in the parking lot at the grocery store and realized it when I was about two blocks away. I was almost in tears when I got back and there was a lady about ready to pick it up and I flipped out. It is horrible.
20. I get pulled over a lot; at least four or five times a year. I normally don't get tickets, but it is still a ridiculous process. I actually got pulled over the other day for crossing over the line on the far left hand lane. I couldn't have possibly went over it by more than five inches though because I hadn't hit the rumble strip yet. The officer was a jerk and tailed me for a mile before he decided to pull me over. I was angry.

I was at work last night and the nicest lady checked in. She made my entire night of work worth the effort. She didn't complain about the rate or the pet fee, or the fact that she was in a room on a floor with smoking and non-smoking rooms despite her asthema. She was just happy to be somewhere. I love people like this.

Mood

I am in a really bizarre mood today. I feel like I am loosing grip on life. It is snowing the weirdest snow ever. Huge flakes and rain and it is almost swirling as it comes down. Blah.

Mike got laid off the day after my birthday. Life is going to be hard, yet again, for a while. No one is really hiring in Pocatello right now and I am praying we can make through the next little bit until he can find something. Shit keeps happening to us, and we are both wondering when it will ever stop. We are both gluttons for punishment and seem to attract horrible things. We are amazing together.

We didn't do anything fun or outrageous for New Years. I had to work that morning I didn't sleep the night before; I basically slept all night and woke up in time to see the ball drop on television. I am becoming so lame in my old age.

Hopefully my piece of crap Mustang will make it up the hill after I am done working tonight. This could get really interesting.