Which Way?

When I graduated high school I used to have panic attacks because I didn't know where my life was going. I didn't have a major in college, or one in mind, I didn't have a 'dream job.' So for almost two years of my life I floated around in a constant state of panic and disaray. When I finally settled on a major and decided that the travel and tourisim industry had a lot to offer a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and felt sooo much better. My panicing is back. I don't know where to go next and I am starting to get scared again. I have been thinking a lot the past few weeks about where exactly my life is headed next. I have the possibilities of a new job (hopefully before September), but I am not sure if I will be satisfied with just that. I feel like I have let myself down and I need to make up for it.

I don't want to stay in Pocatello forever. This much I know. Where would I like to go? I hear Sweden is nice. No, that is Mike's ultimate dream. Leave the US and go to Sweden for the food, music, and culture. I am voting we become hobos and live on a beach. In all seriousness; we have thought about Washington, Oregon, Northern California, and I am recently starting to look at Colorado. But honestly, I don't know how picky we are going to be when it comes right down to it and it probably won't happen for a few years, if ever.

I want to go back to school. More than anything I am kicking myself in the face for the school thing. I let the stupid hotel interfere with school and I horribly regret it because the only thing the hotel is doing for me now is making me sick. I am not sure what I want to go back to school for though. I probably should finish my business degree and go with that; maybe minor in something more artsy. Realistically; I am waiting to turn 24 so I don't have to claim my parents tax information anymore because the federal government screws over poor, white girls like me. I could stay here and probably save money by going to ISU. But who knows what will happen in the next few months.

This job business is really getting me down though. Every day it is getting more and more difficult to drag my butt into that place to be critisized and belittled for things that aren't in my control. I have a HUGE grudge on my GM because she took my job promotion right from underneath me, and I really don't know if she is, or ever will, help me to better my career. I really get the feeling she talks a lot of crap behind my back to the big bosses in the head office which won't help me at all. I would seriously love to quit tomorrow and rid myself of the headache and stress; but there are few places here that will pay me close to what I make now. And my bills aren't diminishing quickly enough to take a huge pay cut. On the bright side of this; Mike has started working, but the hours are few at times for another couple of weeks.

I just don't know what to do anymore. Right now I am just floating along, going with the flow, and hoping to hell that I figure something out soon.