Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Which Way?
When I graduated high school I used to have panic attacks because I didn't know where my life was going. I didn't have a major in college, or one in mind, I didn't have a 'dream job.' So for almost two years of my life I floated around in a constant state of panic and disaray. When I finally settled on a major and decided that the travel and tourisim industry had a lot to offer a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and felt sooo much better. My panicing is back. I don't know where to go next and I am starting to get scared again. I have been thinking a lot the past few weeks about where exactly my life is headed next. I have the possibilities of a new job (hopefully before September), but I am not sure if I will be satisfied with just that. I feel like I have let myself down and I need to make up for it.
I don't want to stay in Pocatello forever. This much I know. Where would I like to go? I hear Sweden is nice. No, that is Mike's ultimate dream. Leave the US and go to Sweden for the food, music, and culture. I am voting we become hobos and live on a beach. In all seriousness; we have thought about Washington, Oregon, Northern California, and I am recently starting to look at Colorado. But honestly, I don't know how picky we are going to be when it comes right down to it and it probably won't happen for a few years, if ever.
I want to go back to school. More than anything I am kicking myself in the face for the school thing. I let the stupid hotel interfere with school and I horribly regret it because the only thing the hotel is doing for me now is making me sick. I am not sure what I want to go back to school for though. I probably should finish my business degree and go with that; maybe minor in something more artsy. Realistically; I am waiting to turn 24 so I don't have to claim my parents tax information anymore because the federal government screws over poor, white girls like me. I could stay here and probably save money by going to ISU. But who knows what will happen in the next few months.
This job business is really getting me down though. Every day it is getting more and more difficult to drag my butt into that place to be critisized and belittled for things that aren't in my control. I have a HUGE grudge on my GM because she took my job promotion right from underneath me, and I really don't know if she is, or ever will, help me to better my career. I really get the feeling she talks a lot of crap behind my back to the big bosses in the head office which won't help me at all. I would seriously love to quit tomorrow and rid myself of the headache and stress; but there are few places here that will pay me close to what I make now. And my bills aren't diminishing quickly enough to take a huge pay cut. On the bright side of this; Mike has started working, but the hours are few at times for another couple of weeks.
I just don't know what to do anymore. Right now I am just floating along, going with the flow, and hoping to hell that I figure something out soon.
I don't want to stay in Pocatello forever. This much I know. Where would I like to go? I hear Sweden is nice. No, that is Mike's ultimate dream. Leave the US and go to Sweden for the food, music, and culture. I am voting we become hobos and live on a beach. In all seriousness; we have thought about Washington, Oregon, Northern California, and I am recently starting to look at Colorado. But honestly, I don't know how picky we are going to be when it comes right down to it and it probably won't happen for a few years, if ever.
I want to go back to school. More than anything I am kicking myself in the face for the school thing. I let the stupid hotel interfere with school and I horribly regret it because the only thing the hotel is doing for me now is making me sick. I am not sure what I want to go back to school for though. I probably should finish my business degree and go with that; maybe minor in something more artsy. Realistically; I am waiting to turn 24 so I don't have to claim my parents tax information anymore because the federal government screws over poor, white girls like me. I could stay here and probably save money by going to ISU. But who knows what will happen in the next few months.
This job business is really getting me down though. Every day it is getting more and more difficult to drag my butt into that place to be critisized and belittled for things that aren't in my control. I have a HUGE grudge on my GM because she took my job promotion right from underneath me, and I really don't know if she is, or ever will, help me to better my career. I really get the feeling she talks a lot of crap behind my back to the big bosses in the head office which won't help me at all. I would seriously love to quit tomorrow and rid myself of the headache and stress; but there are few places here that will pay me close to what I make now. And my bills aren't diminishing quickly enough to take a huge pay cut. On the bright side of this; Mike has started working, but the hours are few at times for another couple of weeks.
I just don't know what to do anymore. Right now I am just floating along, going with the flow, and hoping to hell that I figure something out soon.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
I haven't posted anything new in a while; so I suppose I should post something....
I am already sick of hearing about Michael Jackson. It is a horrible thing he died so suddenly and unexpectedly, but talking about him all the time is not bringing him back. He was an extremely influential music icon and for that he will be remembered for forever.
Farrah Fawcet dead too?!? That Ed guy?!? Billy Mays' and his annoying voice?!? It keeps getting more bizarre!
No news on the possible new job. I am just being patient at this point. Mike starts working tomorrow morning!!! Money is going to be a little less tight now! I just want to pay off some bills and be able to go out every so often.
Kendra is moving out of the house. I am going to miss her. She painted a wall in her new aparment a bright green; and I love it. I am actually very jealous of her new apartment, and now I want to get one too.
I am already sick of hearing about Michael Jackson. It is a horrible thing he died so suddenly and unexpectedly, but talking about him all the time is not bringing him back. He was an extremely influential music icon and for that he will be remembered for forever.
Farrah Fawcet dead too?!? That Ed guy?!? Billy Mays' and his annoying voice?!? It keeps getting more bizarre!
No news on the possible new job. I am just being patient at this point. Mike starts working tomorrow morning!!! Money is going to be a little less tight now! I just want to pay off some bills and be able to go out every so often.
Kendra is moving out of the house. I am going to miss her. She painted a wall in her new aparment a bright green; and I love it. I am actually very jealous of her new apartment, and now I want to get one too.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
It's like I never had time . . .
Things could possibly be turning around for me. In reference to the post I made yesterday; a new job could possibly happen soon. It would be something completely different than my safe little hotel land; but the pay is more and the experience would be good for me. As for the new apartment, that could end up happening sooner than I think. I honestly think that within the next four months Mike and I will move to something better. I am becoming antsy and excited.
I went and saw one of my favortie live bands last night, The Classic Crime. I am fortunate enough to know a couple of the guys and to have hung out with them on a few other occasions. I have actually stayed at one of the bass player's parent's house in Washington before. They are just a fun group of guys that put on a good show, and have amazing music. If you don't know who/what they are, check them out.
I went and saw one of my favortie live bands last night, The Classic Crime. I am fortunate enough to know a couple of the guys and to have hung out with them on a few other occasions. I have actually stayed at one of the bass player's parent's house in Washington before. They are just a fun group of guys that put on a good show, and have amazing music. If you don't know who/what they are, check them out.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Poem
When I was home during graduation, I went to the chiropractor with my Mom. I sat in the waiting room and found a magazine called Artful Blogging and found that I really like it! There were all kinds of neat artsy things in it. While flipping through it I found this partial post from asweetlife.typepad.com
This has to be one of my new favorite poems I have found so far. I ended up taking the magazine with me and later realized it is a $15 magazine! OOPS!
I went shopping today with Kendra and Beth....bought way too much, but I love everything I got!
She heard their warnings
felt the sting of their slaps
on the top of her hand.
"Stop! Don't touch them!
They're hot. They'll burn you.
They're sharp. They'll cut you."
And so she withdrew her hand
from the black sky and put it
back into her pocket,
a little stardust on each fingertip.
But she was never satisfied with
just stealing a touch.
No, what they didn't know was
how her hunger grew,
how the rumble woke her
in the night,
how she cried from longing.
No, what they didn't know was
how she always felt a little empty
and how she dreamed of a belly
full of stars.
I went shopping today with Kendra and Beth....bought way too much, but I love everything I got!
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