Homes

Someone sold my house. Not the house I live in, but the house I wanted to buy. I am not in the market for buying a house really, but everytime I drove past this one house I just knew I had to have it. I never called the owner to look at it because I didn't want to do something crazy and try and buy it, but that I claimed it was my house. I saw the house once in the paper for sale and it was listing for $147,000 but I am positive I could have talked them down to $139. It had been on the market for at least eight months. I would drive past it and make comments like, "someone needs to mow my house's lawn," and, "the roses need trimed." I had a sick obsession with this house. I got really scared one day a few months back because I thought someone else had bought the house. I almost cried. Mike came home a few days ago and said, "I think someone bought your house. There were people taking boxes inside." I did cry that time. Damn houses.

The first apartment I lived in never felt like home. It was the first place I lived besides my parents house, and I could feel the lack of stability in the air; which could have just been animosity and tension because of who lived there, which is an entirely different story.

The next house I lived in was a disaster. It was an old duplex with hardwood floors throughout the entire place, minus Lindsay's room, and bugs loved it. I never unpacked my suitecases. it was the least home-like place I have ever lived.

My next apartment was my first home. It still feels like my home. I sometimes think that if I go up to the door and open it, all my stuff will still be there just I had never even left. I drive past it every so often just to see if someone else is living in it; and I am almost positive no one is. If I could move back into it, I would in a heartbeat. I loved that place.

I have lived in my current house for a little over a year. I like this place a lot. It has a ton of potential and I wish I could buy it most days. If I could, I know I would. It feels like home, but only because I think I need a sense of home right now. Everyone needs to feel like they belong somewhere, and even though I may be tricking myself into 'belonging' here, it works for the time being.

Mike and I went on a quick overnight camping excurssion a few days ago and had a great time enjoying the quiet. I forget how much I love to hear nothing sometimes. I am so used to hearing and listening to people constantly, that I almost cried when I could lay down at night and hear nothing but a few crickets.

I haven't been camping since I lived with my parents while I was still in high school, so it has been quite a while. We didn't stay long, but the few days of rest was well worth it. The only down side was my lack of sunscreen use that has turned into a nasty sunburn. I should have listened to my mom!

The sunburn is healing rather quickly though, and I miss the quiet.

I have been awake since 5:30am and feel great for getting lots of things accomplished.

I had to do my last two employee evaluations this morning, and think they went rather well considering we told one person he wasn't getting a raise. However, it took two hours for two evaluations that should have only lasted about twenty minutes each. Still, I think they went great and the two I had earlier in the week were amazing so all around it was a successful work week.

I am looking at scheduling prospects for possibly going back to school next fall. Although the fall 2010 schedule is not out, I am going through this fall and finding if there are any night courses I can take because if my new job ever arrives I will have to take night classes or online classes.

I have tackled laundry, which I loathe, and now I am going to cook lunch!! Yay for getting crap done before noon!

Random Rants

I was driving down the road the other day and saw the first signs of what I call, "sunflower season." It's that time of year when sunflowers pop up all over the sides of the road and you can find them everywhere! I love this time of year.

I really want to go to the mountains for a day or so and get away from everything. Maybe next week on my days off.....

I went to the movies and was completely annoyed at people who bring one and two year olds to movies they don't belong in. They cry, scream, yell, and basically terrorize everyone else in the theater. It is even worse when the parents don't even try to control it. When I have kids, they will never be taken to the movies before the age of 6. It is crazy to do that to them.

Seriously...my brain is dead. I had something I was going to rant about, and I can't remember what it was for the life of me. Damn.

Which Way?

When I graduated high school I used to have panic attacks because I didn't know where my life was going. I didn't have a major in college, or one in mind, I didn't have a 'dream job.' So for almost two years of my life I floated around in a constant state of panic and disaray. When I finally settled on a major and decided that the travel and tourisim industry had a lot to offer a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and felt sooo much better. My panicing is back. I don't know where to go next and I am starting to get scared again. I have been thinking a lot the past few weeks about where exactly my life is headed next. I have the possibilities of a new job (hopefully before September), but I am not sure if I will be satisfied with just that. I feel like I have let myself down and I need to make up for it.

I don't want to stay in Pocatello forever. This much I know. Where would I like to go? I hear Sweden is nice. No, that is Mike's ultimate dream. Leave the US and go to Sweden for the food, music, and culture. I am voting we become hobos and live on a beach. In all seriousness; we have thought about Washington, Oregon, Northern California, and I am recently starting to look at Colorado. But honestly, I don't know how picky we are going to be when it comes right down to it and it probably won't happen for a few years, if ever.

I want to go back to school. More than anything I am kicking myself in the face for the school thing. I let the stupid hotel interfere with school and I horribly regret it because the only thing the hotel is doing for me now is making me sick. I am not sure what I want to go back to school for though. I probably should finish my business degree and go with that; maybe minor in something more artsy. Realistically; I am waiting to turn 24 so I don't have to claim my parents tax information anymore because the federal government screws over poor, white girls like me. I could stay here and probably save money by going to ISU. But who knows what will happen in the next few months.

This job business is really getting me down though. Every day it is getting more and more difficult to drag my butt into that place to be critisized and belittled for things that aren't in my control. I have a HUGE grudge on my GM because she took my job promotion right from underneath me, and I really don't know if she is, or ever will, help me to better my career. I really get the feeling she talks a lot of crap behind my back to the big bosses in the head office which won't help me at all. I would seriously love to quit tomorrow and rid myself of the headache and stress; but there are few places here that will pay me close to what I make now. And my bills aren't diminishing quickly enough to take a huge pay cut. On the bright side of this; Mike has started working, but the hours are few at times for another couple of weeks.

I just don't know what to do anymore. Right now I am just floating along, going with the flow, and hoping to hell that I figure something out soon.

I miss these days